While my life has always been up and down, the last few months have been one hell of an emotional rollercoaster. As the day draws near when the takeover of Birmingham City finally comes to a conclusion, the reason anyone knows who I am is also coming to an end.
I’ve written about the ownership of Birmingham City now for more than 12 years; following the arrest, imprisonment and eventual ousting of Carson Yeung, through a period of Receivership and ending with the chronicling of the elusive Mr King, aka Wang Yaohui.
As the takeover by Tom Wagner and Knighthead has come closer, I’ve received more plaudits than I could ever imagine from people online, thanking me for what they see as a job well done.
Being someone who is not very good at accepting compliments, it’s been difficult for me to assimilate and has been almost overwhelming.
I have only ever written about Birmingham City because I could and because I wanted to.
I appreciate that in a time of clickbait and churnalism there was always going to be a demand for original content but I never in my wildest dreams thought it was ever going to end like this.
I’m writing this piece because now I know when things are coming to a conclusion, I can start to make plans for what I’m going to do in the future.
Retirement From Writing
Last year I made a promise online that when any takeover would go through, I would step back from writing about the club and retire.
I’m not going to lie; that promise was made in a fit of pique as toxicity surrounding the Maxco attempt to take over the club grew massively.
Yet having thought about things extensively for the last couple of months, I think the time has come for me to think about calling it a day.
In the immediate short term, this means once the EGM completes on July 13, I will take down the www.bshlout.co.uk website and close down my Patreon page.
For now, I will leave the almajir.net website online but without any commitment to update it with any regularity.
While I’m not going to shut down my social media accounts, I am also going to make a point of staying out of any “ITK” type stuff regarding the club for now.
My life has changed significantly in the past few months and in reality I want to spend this summer without being bombarded with messages asking me if transfer rumours are true etc.
In the longer term I’ll make a decision about what I want to do, but as it stands I think complete retirement is likely.
The Recognition Petition
As I tweeted on Saturday, I’m aware that my friend Andy who runs the smallheathalliance.com website has started a petition asking the new owners to recognise my contributions to the club over the last few years with something like a free season ticket or a lifetime achievement award.
I want to reiterate that I have no desire for this and that I do not want it.
To make it absolutely crystal clear I will respectfully decline any offer of an award for recognition from the club.
This isn’t me being humble or modest. I’m neither of those things, as anyone who knows me will tell you.
As I’ve already said above, I only ever wrote my website because I could and because I wanted to. I wanted to be able to look at myself in the mirror and be sure that I’ve tried to do something.
I have never had a desire to be a leader or figurehead, and the idea of me being some sort of Blues fan spokesperson genuinely makes me feel a bit queasy.
I’ve seen fans get ripped apart online for daring to position themselves as someone with a voice.
Worse, I’ve seen the petty politics and empire building that happens when some people have just a smidgen of a perception of power.
I have no desire to put myself upon that same parapet to be shot down.
More importantly, I want to be sure that people know that I have no desire for any “power” at the club, be it real or perceived.
One of the biggest problems the new regime at the club is going to face is reducing some of the toxicity in the fanbase, so that people can be representative at fan forums without people accusing them of being “biscuit munching brown nosers”.
It’s not going to be an easy problem to solve and for my own sanity it’s a problem I’m choosing to stay away from.
I know that people think they are being nice by telling me that I “have no choice in the matter”, or that I “need to accept” that I deserve some sort of reward; however I urge them to reconsider and understand the reasons why I am insistent that I don’t want it.
My mental health must come first.
Other Clubs
I’ve had a few people suggest I lend a hand or some advice to fans of other clubs going through similar issues; particularly West Bromwich Albion.
During lockdown I took a very brief look at the structure behind their ownership and saw enough to see that there was always going to be a problem coming their way.
I passed what I had to a couple of Baggies fans — but that is the extent of what I can do to help.
The truth is that it’s important for fans of clubs like West Bromwich Albion to find their own path to a successful conclusion.
What worked for me and for Blues might not necessarily work for them; they know their club better than anyone else and it’s important they leverage that to solve their problems.
More than that, I have to think about my own priorities.
Writing Often Partisan and almajir.net has never been my full time job and as my career has progressed in recent years I know that I do not have anything like the time to commit to a project in the way I have done with Blues.
Furthermore, I did what I did for Blues because it was my club; I can’t replicate that desire for someone else’s team.
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I am extremely humbled by all the gratitude I’ve been shown online in recent days.
More than that, I’m happy that people are once again finding reasons to be happy to be Blues fans.
Let’s concentrate on the club and moving forwards.
